That someone was most likely infamous kidnapper and chocolatier Wilhelm Wonka. However, the thought is one of hope and optimism, and it just might be, that with this latest feel-good news tale, that leading child will have the somewhat embarrassing last name of : “Trump.”
The youth with the oversized heart two sizes too big is the son of the unfortunately-faced thalidomide model Eric Trump and his wife Gary Busey. Young Damien Trump, at the age of eleven this year, is Donald Trump’s biological grandson.
The idea to raise money for the charity came from the boy’s realization that his immediate family had managed to steal millions of dollars for themselves by perfecting the easy con, and Damien, who is being tended currently by his seventh nanny after the previous sitters met horrifying deaths, decided on selling candy to achieve his lofty goal of kindness.
After a disappointing start of only three dollars on day one, the tiny entrepreneur decided to kick into “Trumperdrive”, and soon had a miracle on his hands. Nanny Sandra Batt told the details to friendly media sources.
“What he did was to inject trace amounts of both heroin and asbestos into the candy bars themselves. What this achieved is that the confections became more addictive, and sold exponentially more, while also slowly poisoning the clients, to eliminate the possibility of evidence, lawsuits, and witnesses. It’s actually a much more violent con than most of his family usually employs, but he’s still starting.”
“Imagine what Damien will be able to do once he’s matured.”
Batt was, unfortunately, struck by lightning a half hour after her interview and pronounced dead while touring the Trump Family graveyard.
Although the charity, Space Force Heroes With Carpal Tunnel hasn’t yet received the funding, representitives are delighted and thankful for the warm-hearted effort. It’s all for you, Damien. It’s all for you.
