Agents Confiscate Three Thousand Stimulus Checks at Border

Many concerned American citizens have taken issue with the Joe Biden administration’s “open border” policy.  While hundreds of undocumented refugees pour in every day looking for work and our women, the economy is also taking a hit, driving wage scales up and threatening to bankrupt our welfare programs worse than a Donald Trump-backed penis enlargement business.

It seems that this week, the lefty bleeding hearts will have a lot of ‘splaining to do, after the announcement that immigration agents recently seized several hidden shipping containers along the Texas border with Las Nalgas, Mexico, containing nearly three thousand stimulus checks, each signed by the President for $1400.

Investigators believe that the checks may have been issued in error through some incompetence in the system, which would of course, be the fault of Joe Biden.  Other authorities cite that criminal elements within the foreigners have a source inside the American financial system.  More intelligent researchers claim the entire story is fiction, invented by some schlub on an internet satire page.

Newsmax pundit Joe Barron believes the real answer is far more insidious and bizarre, which is why he’s stuck on a shitty network for morons like Newsmax.

“This is very obviously a handout from the Democrats to the illegals in order to thank them for helping throw the last election.  I’m not being racist here, when I say that these brownies can’t wait to get in here and put their beans into our women like burritos and play their accordion music out of their used Nissan Sentras.  America is for Americans, people, and Americans are white hot angry about this.  Very white and very angry.”

While border patrol agents assured the media that the non-existent stolen checks couldn’t have been cashed anyway, the affair puts the first fake stain on the Biden Presidency.  But at this point in his own regime, Donald Trump had twenty less approval points and was blabbering about Muslims or Kathy Griffin or some dumb shit.  So, whatever.

And the border isn’t “open”, you reactionary racist idiots.  You sound obnoxiously stupid.

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