In a research survey conducted just last month by pillionaire Mike Lindell and his independent Pillowtatriot Foundation, former President Donald Trump is easily leading the pack for both the Republican party nomination and Presidency, looking ahead to the 2024 election.
The poll, which included one hundred participants questioned from Lindell’s list of clients who have been described as “pointy-headed old fungus farms”, found the disgraced and criminally negligent former dumbass the clear favorite by 61 points on the tops of those heads. The pointy-headed contingent has aided Trump previously, by employing their undersized tic-tac brains inside their conical bitch noggins to get out the vote.
Lindell’s corporate spokesperson and crack rock shiner Sandy Batt related that the mustachioed muff magnet is overjoyed with the results, and has begin work on a special pillow made specifically to accommodate the heads of the unfortunately angled-meloned as a response.
Coming in further down in the polling results, 26 pointy-headed dipshits preferred: “Barn Dancing Torture Man”, which experts believe refers to a fictional character that the low IQ blumpkins have cobbled together from Kevin Bacon’s “Footloose” character and Keifer Sutherland’s role from the program “24.”
Rounding out the rest, several votes went for “Batman Not The Gay One”, serial killer Ted Cruz, and one respondent in particular who listed every member of the cast of “Hee Haw”, then scratched out each name, leaving only “Ted Nugent” visible.
Nugent, the third-best guitarist from pop rock group “Damn Yankees”, never appeared on the program.
Lindell’s foundation has also partnered with S.E.T.I., the U.S. Government’s Search for Extraterrestrial Life project, in order to aid the plump pillow porker in his newest investigation into possible space alien interference in the 2020 election on behalf of President Joe Biden. Sources close to the project say Lindell himself is “glued to staticy speakers, waiting for the real evidence that his bulbous boytoy Donald Trump was the victim of foul play.”
